I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
