forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Im part way to drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
