addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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