All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
