We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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