Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
