I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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