Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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