As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
