I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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