I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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