just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
