If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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