I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
