I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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