i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
