My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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