So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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