Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
