Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize