Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
