Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
