Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
