I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
