Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
