yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
