i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
