Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
