Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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