you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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