I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
