Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
