im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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