Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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