dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
