he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
