drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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