I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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