How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
