you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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