you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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