My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
