My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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