Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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