I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize