oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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