Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
