i just had sex bonerless
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You're like the curious george of whores
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
