So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
