Soap is not a condiment
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
