The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
