Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
