we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
