He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
