It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sext me about skeletons
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
