I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
whose parrot is this?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize