No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
