I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
