her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
