Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize