Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
