I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
