At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would fuck him just for his dog
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
