Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
