I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
