This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
