I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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