Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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