Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
