so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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