His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
