I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
40s are totally the cure
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
