I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize