Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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