Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
