he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
