Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
