theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
