you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
