Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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